From Devotion:
'Every noble ambition, every faultless desire to move forward kept meeting up against tribulation. Is this how the rest of her life and marriage would be? From this point on, would she be forced to endure an endless cycle of reoccurring pain and doubt?'
Juliet's perspective is understandable, isn't it? I’m not worthy, because he strayed. He's not worthy because he strayed. That circle of pain will continue on…until issues of mistrust are confronted and brought to an end.
The above statement sounds straightforward, and almost easy to follow. End the cycle of wrong and everything will return to goodness. But as Kellen and Juliet discover during the course of Devotion, trust is a very delicate matter. And, rebuilding trust can only work when it is sought after mutually and sincerely…over time.
A similar issue to be battled is one Juliet faces: the idea that reconciliation might make it seem as though she is condoning, and accepting the fact that she was betrayed by her husband, whom she trusted implicitly.
Consider and discuss the fact that in instances of marital neglect, both partners have responsibility—and accountability, not just to one another, but to the God who brought them together. The most eye-opening aspect of rebuilding trust is the truth that it takes two people to step away from a marriage. Therefore, it takes two people…along with time and unyielding commitment…to mend the relationship back into place.
Scriptural Contemplation/Reflection:
Read Psalm 55:12-23
The hardest thing to do when you’ve been let down—or you’ve let down someone you treasure—is talk it over. Confront it. Analyze and discuss an instance when you felt betrayed by someone you trusted and cared for—whether a spouse, family member, close friend or colleague. In what ways did (or didn’t) you or the person involved reclaim and rebuild the relationship? Consider the fact that we are all blemished by sin. We all fall short in our relationships, and hurt one another. How can that realization empower you to move forward into forgiveness, and renewed trust?
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
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Another point to ponder on Juliet's side of the issue is the fact that she begins to realize Kellen wasn't the only one who failed their marriage. An interesting perspective to be forced to confront as they attempt to rebuild trust and relational intimacy.....
ReplyDeleteSo true that it takes two. When one is unwilling to talk, healing is even longer in coming.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the truth? Unfortunately, unwillingness to communicate is a commonplace thing in relationships.
DeleteSure is - on the surface, you'd think it'd be so easy... "Just talk it over..." but when you're raw, and hurting, emotions tangle and anger can over-ride every "noble intention." Great points!
DeleteGreat post Marianne! And you are absolutely correct when you say both partners have responsibility and accountability. I've seen marriages fall apart because only one partner was willing to do anything to save their marriage. The key to me, is forgiveness. Especially in a Christian marriage, remembering how much Christ has forgiven us. Not only are we to forgive 70 times 7 but God also says we are to love our enemies, bless them that curse us, do good to them that hate us, and pray for them who despitefully use us, and persecute us. I think that also applies to our spouses! Giving it time is a BIG part of the equation. I think people give up too soon. You have to give time for your emotions to rest and God time to work. Remember that 'love' is a verb. God so loved the world he 'gave' His only begotten son. Be encouraged though, when you get through the deep valley, your marriage will be stronger than ever before and worth every minute of time you invested in it!
ReplyDeleteThank you Marianne for reaching out to those who are in hurting marriages. I have such a heart for them and I know you do as well.
I will second that Sherry. Both sides have to learn to forgive and forget past. In order to go on with the future one must go back to where you started and press on to the high calling of Christ.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Linda Finn
Hi, Davalyn - doesn't the idea of 'it takes two' seem so simple in theory...yet it sure does get complicated in practice, when human frailty and high emotions enter into the picture. So glad you stopped by!! God bless
ReplyDeleteSherry, thank you for your visit, and your very powerful words about the sanctity of marriage, and the impact of forgiveness!! You're spot on. God bless, and I'm so glad you paid a visit!!
ReplyDeleteHi, Linda, and blessings to you as well! I think people forget how powerful authentic forgiveness can be. When forgiveness comes not just from the mouth but from the heart, it changes the world, and doesn't just benefit the receiver - it benefits the giver as well. God bless, and thanks for your comment!!
ReplyDeleteI'm a girl, so the talking-out part of it would be something I could do . I think the forgiveness is what's hard. I haven't asked my other half this, and I kind of wonder what he'll say when I do.
ReplyDeleteLet us know how it goes, Liz! <3
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