Ten Steps to a Healthy Relationship

Writing a book is always a journey, and for me, Devotion, was no different. In its creation, I took a voyage along with Kellen and Juliet Rossiter. I experienced the rollercoaster of love and emotion that defined their marriage in ways that stayed with me long after its conclusion.

Here are some tools and ideas I unearthed for myself as I wrote Devotion, and I thought I’d share them with you. They’re called Ten Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage:

1. Keep God at the center of your relationship. Having been blessed by 30-years of marriage with my spouse, I cannot stress enough how much keeping God’s presence and focus at the core of our lives has bound us together through every trial and tribulation we’ve faced. Additionally, there’s no doubt in either of our minds that God will be there for the rest of our time together. His love is unfailing, and though His will and plan may not be immediately evident during the thick of a storm, He has always carried us through. When the storm passed, and we looked back with a clearer view of where we had been, we saw His guiding hand and unfailing love without any question or doubt.
2. Be attentive to your relationship on a 24/7 basis. Think about date nights, quite time spent with only each other, the quiet intimacy of prayer time. There are hundreds of ways to strengthen the bond you share with your spouse. Focus on them without allowing any distractions.
3. Be aware of the little things. Remember, the devil is in the details. When left unattended and cared for, tiny cracks and fissures in a relationship become ever-widening gaps. They might be easy to ignore at first, but become increasingly difficult to navigate over time.
4. Forgive a wrongdoing, and do so from a point of authenticity.
5. Choose positivity and affirmation. Don’t belittle, cut-down or negate your spouse—to their face or to anyone else in your life. Uplifting one another, in good times and bad, is the surest and most powerful reflection of love imaginable. Embrace the life you’ve been given to share with one another.
6. Don’t be afraid to argue. When conducted respectfully, from a point of love, debate and disagreement should not be feared, or seen as a relational wrecking ball. Every long-term relationship has its moments of tension, discord and anger. Working through those temporary storms to the sunlight at the other side will strengthen your marriage, and your emotional connection to your spouse.
7. Strike a balance. Compromise is necessary. Relationship can’t be all about you—nor can it be all about your spouse. Blend in harmony by orchestrating a careful balance of give-and-take as you move through the seasons of your marriage, always keeping in mind that life is a great equalizer. Some seasons will belong to you, some will belong to your spouse…and that’s OK.
8. Communicate. The word, the idea, seems so simple on a surface level. When it comes to long-term commitment, however, look deeper at the ways you communicate with your spouse. How do you relate to one another as a couple not just physically but emotionally and spiritually? How do you express yourself and attempt to overcome roadblocks? These are all key ingredients to mapping out a successful marriage.
9. Don’t just focus on the love and passion, focus on the friendship. When the tough times come, when battles erupt, remember that your spouse isn’t just your lover, your spouse is your best friend. Your confidante. Your partner. Work forward from there and you can grow into an even deeper sense of love.
10. Be willing to work at your relationship—together. Don’t expect your marriage to flourish without focusing on it, and working at it time-after-time, and day-after-day, especially during those moments when hard work is  the last thing you want to do. In the end, it’ll always be worth it!

Pray about your marriage. Prayer is the most powerful tool we possess as Christians. Consider, in reverence, the covenant relationship into which you’ve entered. I hope these tools bring new perspective to your marriage, shedding light and God’s love.